an overwhelming feeling of satisfaction

I heard this song for the very first time today and it really touched my heart.
I know so many people that i wish i could get this song. I mean, really get it.
Jesus is just waiting for us in those times when we feel like we can never get up, never turn back and never put our lives back together.
We may feel like we have run a thousand years into the grossest things but Jesus is only one word away.

Life is really hard and we make it so complicated, but Jesus never made it complicated. He made it so easy for us to live a life full of joy and satisfaction. He did all the hard stuff for us already. Why do we have to make it so complicated.

Im so relieved that i can let Jesus direct my life.

My life is so fulfilling.


I had an overwhelming feeling of satisfaction today. I was sitting with my daughter, shortly after i had cooked breakfast for my husband and said goodbye as he left for work. I felt so happy to live the life that Jesus has given me.

My life before Jesus was so depressing and empty. I was angry and depressed but the worst part was that i didnt even have anything that bad going on in my life. I was so selfish and bored. I haven't had one moment like that since i have become a christian. Thats almost 5 years of a life overfilling with joy and purpose.
It hasn't really been easy, and ive cried a lot in those 5 years, but there is a difference between crying for your selfishness and crying over the lost apathy of the world and those around us.

Thank you Jesus for saving me. And thank you for my new life in you.

but probably chocolate

I am really inspired to craft this upcoming season. I can't wait to get my glitter out and make something all sparkly. My mother-in-law brought home some large cardboard hoops yesterday and thought they would make great wreath bases and i totally agree. Now its choosing only 5 designs to make.
Daunting.
Im also planning on throwing a christmas/craft party in December in junction with our already existing bible study. Its going to be fun. We have it once a week and our friends open up their house for us to use. They cook dinner and i provide the sweets :)
With only a few weeks before Thanksgiving and then Christmas and then New years i have to select my weekly pastries carefully. This week will be something low in the seasonal department, but probably chocolate.
But then i have to plan it out perfectly to reflect the week leading to Thanksgiving and the weeks supporting christmas. Pumpkin and cranberry something, then Peppermint bark, gingerbread people, christmas haystacks, iced sugar cookies...who knows what else. You must think im crazy, and fat but i do believe christmas treats create some intense memories (smell and taste) for the thanksgiving and christmas seasons.
I think its worth to plan it out for some good memories.

By the way, if you have and killer christmas ideas (craft or confection) drop me a line so i can try them out.

don't we have time to rinse off those counters and table tops...?

Sooooooooooooooooooo,

Here is another one of those thoughts i had. Again while watching TV....im not to proud to say that.

Anyways!

So i saw a cleaning commercial, i believe for some funky disinfectant wipes.
The lady portrayed was wiping down her kitchen while the narrator said something along the lines of:
"Some disinfectant wipes use such harsh chemicals, they require you to rinse all surfaces food may touch"
then she goes onto pull out her garden hose and blast her entire kitchen down.
"Try something new to free up your day! These herp derp wipes are the best!"

So aside from the obvious tongue-in-cheek i was slightly offended and woken up by this commercial.
The company was not implying us mothers want to protect our families from ingesting said harsh chemicals, but to free up more time in our day. BUT i say, if we have time to sit in front of that blasted TV and watch their advertisement...don't we have time to rinse off those counters and table tops...?

When in all reality, a lot of moms say they are so busy they couldn't even think taking a half hour to sit down with their kids, look them in the eye and find out something new about them... but they cant believe what was on "Ellen" and let us know they need more cows on farmville.

Something doesn't add up.
Lets be mothers, real mothers and wives who actually deserve to be called that.
We may not be able to change the world, but we can change our houses. My daughters world is my house and who she will become and what kind of baggage she carries into her adult life and decisions will stem from what kind of mother she reflects, father she is protected by and house she lived in.
With that all ringing in my head, i am dedicated to chop my TV time down and wipe off those counters.

Im just blessed enough to stand next to this man

My husband is really the greatest guy i have met.
He is funny.
Kind.
Loves Jesus.
Loving.
Transparent.
Romantic.
Thoughtful.
Lazy.
Teachable.
Honorable.
Impatient. 
Truthful.
Handsome.
Complicated. 
Trust-able.
Caring.
Tender.
Patient.
Emotional.
Warm.
Inspiring.
Creative.
Motivated.
Grumpy.
Good humored.
Likable.
Expressive.
Striving for a better him.
Gives complements.
Understandable.

He is so perfectly Human. 
But he is like, some kind of super human.
He is never happy with just being human, on either account of perfection or imperfection.
He is always trying to become better, and never makes me feel like i am any less than him.
I really love this guy.
I believe the reason he is such a super human, is because he loves Jesus every day of his life.
He loves Jesus with his life.
Because Jesus gave his life for all of us. Im just blessed enough to stand next to this man who understands what a small gift we can give back by trying to live our lives in honor of Jesus.

I really love him, and i would love him for a thousand tomorrows just to simply love him with nothing in return.
Thats why i married him. My vows do say till death do us part, and i will stand by that until the day i die. And then im going to be looking for that guy up in heaven too. We are going to spend eternity together doing what we love most. Worshiping Jesus.

"The lines have fallen to me in pleasant places; Indeed, my heritage is beautiful to me."

(psalm 16:6)

but i think i might be onto something.

I had a thought this week, two actually and i will share the other one later. But this weeks was the thought containing the following;

"Facebook breaks down the need to grow personal relationships"

Now, this is just a thought and i havent yet proven it, but i think i might be onto something.

I have been using facebook less and less lately, mainly because i have nothing really worth sharing in a "Status update" or that many witty comments to make on everyone-else's (not a word) pop culture humor. 
But i have realized that when i get together with other people i know, and are friends with on FB but never really use it either, we suddenly have just so much to talk about.
Before, it seemed like i was always grasping at topics or stories to share with people over coffee or dinner, but now i have a full arsenal to fire out over the gooey Mexican food before me.

    But i also found this only seems to work if both parties shy away from facebook. Or else, well, im listening to the same story you already posted on thesday and yes i saw that photo on your smartphone yesterday when you uploaded it.
I saw the tweet but didnt understand all the #jumbledupword @withnospacestosoundosocleveror
@orjustohidespellingmistakes
"secret codes" and jargon i missed out on while i was abroad.

This isn't to say i don't enjoy keeping up with old friends and or that i only check facebook once a week. On the contrary, i check it daily when my daughter takes a nap. And ive also recently discovered the release of SimsSocial.
I really like sims.
But i believe i will keep my interactions with those who i can jump in the car and drive 10 minutes to see relatively low, in efforts to grow my own face to face relationships and leave the digital updates for those more out of touch.

But then again, this is just a thought i had this week while watching HGTV.

It was a big jump

I can't believe how long it has been since i had the opportunity to use a real keyboard.

A lot has happened in my little life and im sorry for not sharing it with you. Or actually myself, since its primary my own conscience who reads this blog. (p.s im fine with that, i need to sort myself out sometimes and i feel bad for others who have to read it)

We have moved.
I haven't blogged because we had to cut our internet, and blogging from an iphone, while it sounds glamorous is actually really frustrating and time consuming. 

Both me and my husband have been praying about it for a long time, and we felt like God put all the pieces in order for us to move back to America.
So we did.


It was a big jump, and honestly (heres a confession) few people believed us when we told them thats what God said to do.
But we knew it 100% and in the end, all it matters is us and God.
I am so blessed.
Ive grown
Ive been hurt
Ive healed
Ive learned
Ive relaxed
Ive recovered joy
I am blessed.

For right now, we are settling in Idaho. Not my first pick, but when your walking in the will of God, nothing can compare to it.
We are staying with the in-laws until we get back onto our feet. Its been a lot of fun, and we can't wait for the first snowfall.
Rusty has received employment (!!) and has also felt the Lord leading him back to school. He will be attending in January.
He is going into Criminal Justice.
He has a passion to be a policeman.
Who knew?
Im really excited to see what God is going to do. Already we are doing a weekly bible study at a friends house, and it has been so blessed. If that is a preview to how things are going to go, i cant wait.

Also, Adelle is walking now. Kids grow up so fast.
Here is a sneek peek at Adelle's very first photos.

worth the read

So i almost never read articles online, but i made myself read this one and I'm really happy i did. (Original article here. )

"A few years ago, when I just had four children and when the oldest was still three, I loaded them all up to go on a walk. After the final sippy cup had found a place and we were ready to go, my two-year-old turned to me and said, “Wow! You have your hands full!”

She could have just as well said, “Don’t you know what causes that?” or “Are they all yours?!”

Everywhere you go, people want to talk about your children. Why you shouldn’t have had them, how you could have prevented them, and why they would never do what you have done. They want to make sure you know that you won’t be smiling anymore when they are teenagers. All this at the grocery store, in line, while your children listen.

A Rock-Bottom Job?

The truth is that years ago, before this generation of mothers was even born, our society decided where children rank in the list of important things. When abortion was legalized, we wrote it into law.

Children rank way below college. Below world travel for sure. Below the ability to go out at night at your leisure. Below honing your body at the gym. Below any job you may have or hope to get. In fact, children rate below your desire to sit around and pick your toes, if that is what you want to do. Below everything. Children are the last thing you should ever spend your time doing.

If you grew up in this culture, it is very hard to get a biblical perspective on motherhood, to think like a free Christian woman about your life, your children. How much have we listened to partial truths and half lies? Do we believe that we want children because there is some biological urge, or the phantom “baby itch”? Are we really in this because of cute little clothes and photo opportunities? Is motherhood a rock-bottom job for those who can’t do more, or those who are satisfied with drudgery? If so, what were we thinking?

It's Not a Hobby

Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps. It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for.

Christian mothers carry their children in hostile territory. When you are in public with them, you are standing with, and defending, the objects of cultural dislike. You are publicly testifying that you value what God values, and that you refuse to value what the world values. You stand with the defenseless and in front of the needy. You represent everything that our culture hates, because you represent laying down your life for another—and laying down your life for another represents the gospel.

Our culture is simply afraid of death. Laying down your own life, in any way, is terrifying. Strangely, it is that fear that drives the abortion industry: fear that your dreams will die, that your future will die, that your freedom will die—and trying to escape that death by running into the arms of death.

Run to the Cross

But a Christian should have a different paradigm. We should run to to the cross. To death. So lay down your hopes. Lay down your future. Lay down your petty annoyances. Lay down your desire to be recognized. Lay down your fussiness at your children. Lay down your perfectly clean house. Lay down your grievances about the life you are living. Lay down the imaginary life you could have had by yourself. Let it go.

Death to yourself is not the end of the story. We, of all people, ought to know what follows death. The Christian life is resurrection life, life that cannot be contained by death, the kind of life that is only possible when you have been to the cross and back.

The Bible is clear about the value of children. Jesus loved them, and we are commanded to love them, to bring them up in the nurture of the Lord. We are to imitate God and take pleasure in our children.

The Question Is How

The question here is not whether you are representing the gospel, it is how you are representing it. Have you given your life to your children resentfully? Do you tally every thing you do for them like a loan shark tallies debts? Or do you give them life the way God gave it to us—freely?

It isn’t enough to pretend. You might fool a few people. That person in line at the store might believe you when you plaster on a fake smile, but your children won’t. They know exactly where they stand with you. They know the things that you rate above them. They know everything you resent and hold against them. They know that you faked a cheerful answer to that lady, only to whisper threats or bark at them in the car.

Children know the difference between a mother who is saving face to a stranger and a mother who defends their life and their worth with her smile, her love, and her absolute loyalty.

Hands Full of Good Things

When my little girl told me, “Your hands are full!” I was so thankful that she already knew what my answer would be. It was the same one that I always gave: “Yes they are—full of good things!”

Live the gospel in the things that no one sees. Sacrifice for your children in places that only they will know about. Put their value ahead of yours. Grow them up in the clean air of gospel living. Your testimony to the gospel in the little details of your life is more valuable to them than you can imagine. If you tell them the gospel, but live to yourself, they will never believe it. Give your life for theirs every day, joyfully. Lay down pettiness. Lay down fussiness. Lay down resentment about the dishes, about the laundry, about how no one knows how hard you work.

Stop clinging to yourself and cling to the cross. There is more joy and more life and more laughter on the other side of death than you can possibly carry alone.

Rachel Jankovic is a wife, homemaker, and mother. She is the author of "Loving the Little Years" and blogs at Femina. Her husband is Luke, and they have five children: Evangeline (5), Daphne (4), Chloe (2), Titus (2), and Blaire (5 months)."

overcome it and nail it to the cross

Over the past few years i have developed a burning question.

What should we expect from our christian leaders?

Ive heard one camp of people who say we should not expect much, because they are human just like the rest of us. We should overlook their faults and shortcomings. Turn a blind eye to any compromising we see or any less than honorable behavior we might witness.

The other camp says they should have no faults. They should be shining examples of walking scripture and as soon as they do something bad we kick them out.

I can't agree with either.

But i can tell you I'm sick of hearing about pastors found in affairs, youth pastors on drugs and pastors wives bossing everyone around.

Why do you want to be in ministry if you don't want to live it out?

So i asked myself "what should we expect" and it seems like I'm seeing and hearing "not much".

Why can't christians just be christians? Why do we argue about christian liberty to do, when shouldn't mean we have the liberty to live a life free of those things chaining us down?

So, i guess if I'm honest, i expect more from my christian leadership.
Not perfection, but i don't see anywhere in the bible where people excuse their unchristian behavior on their humanity.
The only thing I've seen is a striving to overcome it and nail it to the cross.

thank you etsy. again.

Found my moms birthday present today. Ordered it.

Thank you Etsy. Again.


Ill make sure to fill you all in on it after she gets it in the mail. Just incase she's reading along.
*so excited*

Its more for me than you

You ever feel like your just this far out of reach and you can do nothing about it?
Ive been feeling that way a lot this summer.

If you haven't felt that way, what about this?
Have you ever wanted to explain the big picture of life and live for it?
That has got to be one of the hardest things to convey. Our lives are just so much bigger than we think they are. The things that are tearing our hearts apart today are really just another bump in our lives.
I really want my life to be inspirational and encouraging. But when i add up my week, most of the time i dont feel like its coming off that way. Then i get all bummed about it.

I really want to overcome these things.
Thats been my prayer a lot this summer. Wait, who am i kidding. This whole year.
Its been kind of a hard year.
But i know i have to let go. I think ive been trying to hold onto the hardest things in my life when i just need to let go and let Jesus fix it all. Ive been trying to fix it myself and its not working out so well.
Im just so bitter. Man, even im sick of myself.

So here it is. Im done.
I give up my dreams
I give up my plans
I give up my fight
I am just going to let Jesus do it.

Sorry to dump this stuff on whoever is reading. Its more for me than you. I just needed to get it out there. I dont think i take it seriously when i just tell myself.

I really liked my dreams, plans and fights, too.

Its ok.

Jesus has better ones for me. Im going to believe that.
Im going to live that.

a stack of dinner plates

Good afternoon. I don't think i have any pictures to share with you today from my own camera.
I don't know what im going to talk about yet, but if its warranting a picture i will find one from the internetz and share it with you.

July is my least favorite month of the year.
And its half over, yay!

The only thing that redeems this month, is that its my mothers birthday at the end. Im actually kind of sad i cant spend it with her this year. She always downplayed it when we lived together, so i really want to highlight it now that shes alone. I don't know what im going to do, but it has to be mail ordered *sigh* its just so impersonal. (ill try to limit my complaints, sorry)

Any ideas? Shes not sentimental, shes indie and eclectic. The hunt begins.

Adelle is growing up really fast. She can sit, stand, crawl and take things off her head. With completely no help from myself or her father. And the help offered is generally unwanted. Here comes miss independent.
She has discovered the TV (mainly the buttons), other peoples noses and eyes, mirrors and has already brought down a stack of dinner plates down upon herself in the kitchen.
I feel like at the rate she is going, shes going to be walking next week and speaking in full sentences next month.

I havent done (finished) my dishes in two weeks. And the only times they have come close is, when rusty has done them. Love that man. So much.

but my husband liked it and thats what matters to me

This week has gone by incredibly fast. I dont know why either. It has been rainy or hot, so its not like i was all busy running around. Me and the babe stayed inside most of the time with the AC on and rusty was at work. Huh.

Anyways, monday was our final meeting with immigration for Adelle's permission to stay in Japan. After 2 interviews we got the final lecture on our mistake and then we got the visa sticker. Its so nice to have that ordeal over with!
We did enjoy our time together as we traveled to Shinagawa and had a lot of laughs while waiting in boring colorless rooms. We got stared at too. We played like eye-spy and stuff. Rusty is really ruthless with that game. He picks like skuffmarks and stuff and i pick really easy stuff like someones hair ribbon.

It was an interesting experience though. Spending so much time at immigration. It seems like every country was represented while we waited there. Its hard not to stereotype, but sometimes certain people really do fit into their types. We knew who would be loud, who would be quiet, who would be pushy, who would be well dressed. We could even anticipate who would stare at us and who would pretend we where not in the same room as them. But one thing in common was that they all loved Adelle :)

But one thing i did notice was that we had the most joy.
I think its because we believed whatever happens was God's will. We knew that if she was rejected, that God wanted us back in the US, but if not then we would continue in our ministry in Tokyo. We could laugh and play games in the waiting room because we had ultimate trust in Jesus. And believe me, those particular waiting rooms are serious business. We saw one pregnant lady with her Japanese husband so uptight. then i realized she was waiting to hear if she would be allowed to stay on living in Japan with him or be sent back to her home country. Yikes! Some where foreign business men, and some where mothers with children (probably similar cases to Adelle)

But we knew everything would be fine, either way.



Tomorrow is Saturday, and i believe we are going to a 4th of July party on the american military base. It should be a lot of fun and we will get to see some friends before they leave Japan!

Oh yeah, and i made hollandaise sauce yesterday. This was one of those things i always thought was near impossible to make so i was pretty happy that i made it successfully. (recipe here)
Now, i can probabally count how many times ive eaten it before on one hand, so i don't know about the quality, but my husband liked it and thats what matters to me.

team jerseys

Adelle world is getting much larger and about a foot taller. She can do this all by her self now. I thought it was pretty cool she could sit without any help but I was more than astonished to see her put herself into a standing position like it was no thang. So, yesterday I had to lower the crib. Which is pretty annoying. Do you know how hard it is to put a sleeping baby on the lowest setting of a pack'n'play? It's hard. But we will adjust.

This weekend was fabulous. As a birthday gift to Rusty, i took him to a pro baseball game!! I have been wanting to do this for almost a year, so i was thrilled to actually plan it out. Everything went so well. Tickets, food prices, weather, team jerseys, everything. Except our team got stomped! But its ok, we had such a fun time we didnt care that they lost.
It was kind of a hard decision, as the church had a youth event the same day. Its a really hard decision to make when it comes to balancing church/ministry/family time. Really hard. But we where blessed. We plan on going more often.




Also, rusty bought a guitar on sunday. Im pretty happy that he is picking this up as a new hobby and i think Adelle is too.

Here's to a beautiful weekend.

So i figured i would share it with you

I was asked by my midwife to type up a little summary (in english!) of my experiance with her clinic (moriane or better known as もりあね) as they send out a newsletter every 6 months or so. So i figured i would share it with you.

"I am an American currently living in Japan with my husband as Christian Missionaries. When we first learned that we would be having a baby, we knew we would not be returning to America for the birth. This decision brought about many questions on top of all the questions you already have with the birth of your first child. I was worried about the language barrier and was anticipating a lot of stress over medical procedures and practices I was unfamiliar with.
We asked around, and thru our church, we received three recommendations for Moriane.
After the first meeting, we knew right away that it would be perfect. The feeling of the house was warm and inviting. The staff was friendly and provided care that was above and beyond what we could have asked for. Every visit to Moriane during the pregnancy was calm and the care we received was genuine. We could tell this was a place where life was valued the way it should be. This was very important to us.
We knew hospitals in America could be intimidating, and our few trips to a Japanese hospital was even more so. Every time we visited one we had the joy of knowing we would be having our baby in the cozy setting of Moriane.
December came along quickly and before we knew it, we where calling the ladies to tell them the baby was coming. When we arrived everything was already in place for my and my husband. It was so important for my husband to be by my side the entire time and Moriane understood this. Even though we did not speak the same primary language, our communication was unhindered and the early morning brought about our healthy baby girl.
My recovery week was the perfect way to ease into being a mother. My health was monitored and there was never a shortage of delicious food. It almost felt like those ladies knew my needs (and cravings!) without ever being told!
My husband and I both hope to have any other children we are blessed with at Moriane.

-Amber
"Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD,
The fruit of the womb is a reward" Psalm 127:3"

5 favorite things - June

This one is just for fun.
5 of my favorite things for this month.

1. My Husband
2. Adelle's new personality
3. Cake and Frosting



4. Cafe Latte



5. Kaiten Sushi (sushi-go-round)

just because i felt like it

Thats just not scientific.

Today is a beautiful day in Tokyo.
Im pretty excited because its been gloomy and rainy (which is actually my favorite kind of weather) so my laundry pile was turning into a metropolitan habitat in my closet.
Well, actually i don't think anything took life inside of it. No bugs and i didnt find any mold. But its 3pm and ive gotten two loads done. Im feeling really accomplished. In addition to that, Adelle is napping. This is her second nap, which means today should be pretty enjoyable for her.

-via ragecomics

This is how i feel today.

which means either today will be boring because it cant get much better, or something is about to go wrong. hmmmm

Well, im not really a glass half full or half empty person because that saying is dumb. A glass is meant to be filled. So you count it from the bottom to where-ever the liquid stops. You don't count its contents from the rim of the cup. Thats just not scientific.

"I believe in science"
I love that movie.

Im really tempted to make a microwave mug cake today for dinner. Im only cooking for myself because rusty eats dinner at work on wednesdays. Is this a good enough excuse?

I knew i was making a mistake when i learned that recipe....

I kind of dont want to think about it.

Now that I am somewhat stable I need to explain.

So on Thursday i had my interrogation, it went just fine. We got a bit confused as to what office to go to once we got the to building, but we found it and after about an hour in the waiting room we got to see the officer. They let rusty come back for a few minutes so that helped my nerves a lot and then after they asked him to leave the guy was pretty nice. I watched him write stuff down more than i answered questions. He was nice and used easy japanese for me. I really appreciated it.

They seem to feel like Adelle will be cleared for a visa in about 2 weeks. Really great news. Its not all the time you break the law unintentionally and then everything works out.

The only down side to this, is that it means i will not be attending Mandas wedding.
Im really bummed about it.
I kind of dont want to think about it.

fight on

Today I am fighting the very strong urge to be a big baby.

i don't think im there yet, so this is one of my current missions.

I don't have anything in particular to share today but I have a few spare moments today.

I have my interview with Immigration tomorrow. Actually its an interrogation if we want to be technical. They want to talk to me about Adelle's visa problems. They did tell me this would be step 3 out of 5 to this whole mess. But it's hard to tell how long step 4 and 5 will take. We will keep praying.


I'm working on expanding my cooking capabilities.
Last night I made Chicken Cordon Bleu and Thursday im making lumpia, or egg-rolls.
I would prefer to bake, but its way to expensive out here so ive settled to cooking. Ive always liked the idea of my husband telling people "Man, my wife can COOK" and i don't think im there yet, so this is one of my current missions.

I downloaded the foodgawker app for my husbands phone and im pulling a lot of my inspiration from there.

I really love my husband by the way.
Im so blessed to have him in my life.
He really is my best friend and my hero.

Still a bit out of sync

Once again, using this blog to show off my beautiful daughter. Shes 5 months old today. She started crawling yesterday. But she doesn't have all the movements down yet. Still a bit out of sync. Its pretty cute though.

Well, today me and rusty went to immigration. We are approved for another 3 years here in Japan. Thats pretty intense! We have been approved for 1 year visas in the past, so to be upgraded to a 3 is really great, and a lot cheaper! Praise God for that. We are still waiting to hear back about Adelle's visa, its still pending. So we will continue to pray for that to be tied up shortly.

On a different note, ive been really soaking in my devos lately. Im working my way through Jeremiah. Its pretty sad, but can feel my spirit being refreshed every time I read it. Its really great. Ive been picking up on characteristics of God. Thats been my main focus through it and its really fun. He is so consistent even in hard times.

Which is nice to hear right now. This has been a rough year for us. And we are still trying to find our "niche" with everyone and inside the ministry. Its a lot harder than people tell you it is. But its also been a great year for us (me and rusty) to grow together also. Really good.
Im just ready for the hard stuff to slow down :)

Im really hungry. Im making pasta tonight. Its tempting to start cooking, but rusty wont be home for another hour, so it would be ridiculous. I made chocolate mousse for dessert tho, because rusty was having a hard day at work. I think its nice to come home to a clean house, warm food and a special dessert after a rough day, don't you?

Also, im starting to notice creepy crawlies coming out of hiding lately.
Challenge Accepted.

Getting this off my chest

I think (and always have thought) that shortbread cookies taste stale.

For 20 something years now, I always try them because so many people like them but I think I'm just about ready to give up on it.


Sorry Shortbread, you had your chance.

...but in the name of fairness (or is it my addiction to sweets...?). If you have a killer recipe or happen to know the best ones around. I challenge you- no, I Dare you to make, purchase, acquire- whatever and give them to me to test.

I want to mean it with a passion

Today is Wednesday. I usually call my mom on Wednesdays. Actually, I had totally forgotten to call her before typing that. So I guess its good I did, and after this I will call her.

So we've done it again. Rusty and I are standing at one of those moments in our lives where we have no idea whats going to happen. Decisions that are out of our control could shape out lives drastically, and we merely have to sit on the edge of this cliff and wait for the command to either jump or stay our ground. I didn't know life was so full of these moments.

Sometimes its hard to sit and wait. And sometimes I feel like the wind of going to push me off before I've prepared myself. I don't have a parachute either. Some people say God is their parachute. But shouldn't He be the wind? Or maybe the cliff perhaps? At this point I don't know. But I do know that trusting God is a habit i am quick to unlearn and have to get put into these positions to relearn. Its kind of frustrating. But in a refreshing way.

I think its too easy to say things like "We just have to trust God" or "We really have to pray about it". Christian code words for "We will figure it out eventually" or "I don't want to think about it right now" but I want to mean it. I want to mean it with a passion that can't be extinguished before the next trial comes my way. Can't I just retain it for once?

Probably not.

But here we stand. Waiting.
Waiting is the hard part.

Oh, we are waiting for our Visa's to be approved for another year in Japan. We have run into some complications with Adelle which we are dealing with, but we are wondering whether it is affecting the status of our own Visa. But its out of our control. We can't do anything but answer the phone when it finally rings or go to an interview when they finally call us in, or fax some obscure paper or receipt. Trying to be good citizens takes a lot of work.

But I am learning. I honestly am. I see how strong my own will can be. So selfish and it really only thinks of itself. Things I want and things I desire. Forgetting the big picture.
I am learning in this situation to give up on those things. But its a daily battle. Hourly even.

But man, its okay. Life is only as hard as we make it.
Manda reminded me that things will turn out exactly how God wants them to. I love that girl.

They will. Whether we jump, stay or fall. They will.

international food authentication police

So i tend to watch more than my fair share of food related videos on youtube.

One thing i totally dont understand is upon reading the comments (an activity i am learning not to do) i always find some random user who has decided they are the international food authentication police.

Someone always leaves a comment like "What are you doing? I am from the country this came from and your making it totally wrong!"

Or "This is my countries dish! You are using the wrong ingredients!"

OR "I am from *insert country name* and i think you have a bad recipe. Here is the correct one
Long list and instructions pasted in with impossible to find brands and non-universal cooking terms."

I have never once thought about going to youtube and typing in like, cheeseburgers or apple pie and ripping on some foreigner who made it. I mean, i see apple pie here in japan and stuff and its completely different than american apple pie. I dont go into the bakery and try to teach the bakers who have graduated from a baking school the "right way".
But american apple pie wouldn't sell in japan. Its too sweet. So they made a version that works with the Japanese palette. Gosh!
Isnt that what all those youtube chefs are doing?

mutual trust

I went grocery shopping today. I have to walk down a pretty narrow road. Its the size of a one way, except this is japan so its a two way. plus a side walk. which is just a strip of green paint about a foot wide. So i was walking and cars get pretty close and i had a thought.

We thrive on mutual trust with one another.
Ive met lots of people who say they don't trust anyone. But honestly if they didn't they couldnt even leave their house.
The cars passing me by only inches trusted i would not make a sudden movement with either my own body or my baby stroller. As for myself, i trusted the person behind the wheel that they would not crash violently into my body or open their door as they drove by.

But if we didn't trust and understand that much about each other, neither could have gotten to where we where heading. So i think people who say that they "cant trust anyone" are attention grabbing.

But then again, maybe people like that need the attention. I don't understand hurting people all that much. So here i am, admitting that i don't understand people.

i lied

so i didnt update

its actually too late to do this

its really late and i know im going to have to wake up and feed Adelle in just a few hours, but i wanted to say "im going to try to catch up tomorrow."
So i will feel some kind of obligation to try to catch up sometime this week.

(tomorrow=sometime within the next 1-6 days)

going to catch up on all my computer related tasks.

gyahh.

adding up my accomplishments and coming up short

______________________________________________Life

On Saturday, rusty and I are moving.

We are moving to the same town he works in. Its called Tama. The city is Fuchu and the prefecture is Tokyo.
Im trying to pack, but it seems like everything I get packed unveils some new stash of forgotten clothing or papers. I bet it really stinks to move out of a house after living there for like 20 years. We've been in this house for a year and a half almost so its not like we have a lot of stuff. But for the past 4 years i have been living out of 2 suitcases and a carry on, so it feels like I have gobs of things to sort.

I also have 6 pages of women's bible study home work to complete before 10am tomorrow morning. and I managed to lose it.
and i didnt to my homework last week either.



______________________________________________Devotional
Seeing as how i finished up the book of acts, i took some time to pray over what book to start. Im going into Ephesians, which is exciting, because it was written roughly when the book of acts ends!!
So, ill be delving into ephesians for a few weeks. I read chapter 1 this morning and right now the thing ive thought on most is that paul desired the ephesians to be blessed with spritual knowledge as its vital to understanding the work of Jesus Christ. That in turn effects how we live our entire lives.

If we understand the gravity of Christs blood and atoning work we will begin to see people the way God sees them. His children. Some are lost and wondering, so we need to love them.

brain suckers

______________________________________________Life

So we had a pretty busy weekend.
I went to a baby shower on saturday and stayed most of the day. Adelle slept thru almost the entire party, which was nice. She was in deep sleep too, so i could hand her off to different people and eat all the wonderful food every one brought.
I love parties where people bring a dish to pass.
Especially when Philippino people are invited :)

You know, I've often thought that if there was some catastrophic invasion of strange creatures or something that i would be one of the people who would survive. I would be one of those smart people who would just barely out wit the monsters and be a member of an underground task force to exterminate the goblins.
I credit this to my years of playing video games and watching B grade monster movies. I figure that ive got the basic tactical issues covered, as long as i could locate some firepower of some kind. Ive noticed the flaw in games and movies. It seems that guns and such are always just laying around, and ive yet to notice an unlimited ammunition machine gun laying around at the park.

Maybe I just live in the wrong neighborhood.

But sometime last winter, while sitting on the train, i realized in all actuality i would be one of those people running around in the background with a brain sucker attached to my head, with arms flailing.

I was at the station two stops before mine. The train was sitting in place with the doors open and we waited for anyone who was going to jump on before we pulled out. I imagined an invasion of bat like pests sweeping over tokyo and realized that i would be a sitting duck.
Yep, i would get eated.

I was kind of sad when i realized that, but i guess its kind of normal to make yourself the main character of the movie.

It would be really hard to imagine myself as a supporting character. I just tried it before i typed that. How boring.
So thats my thought today. Im human. Im selfish. And in life, i just have a walk on appearance.




______________________________________________Devotional
Acts 27&28
Paul goes to Rome.
God had warned Paul that the weather would be against them, and paul told everyone but they didnt listen. They set sail anyways. Lo and behold, they hit bad weather and have to spend 3 months, shipwrecked on a small island off the south cost of Italy.
I thought it was so interesting how paul had been told specifically that no lives would be lost, God would protect them, but the ship would be lost with its cargo. No one wanted to listen to paul when he told them something that inconvenienced them. But as soon as he told them the good news, they where willing to do whatever they had to do to make that come true.

I do this a lot. Im always looking out for myself and trying to just get God to wring out his blessings. I often run away from those harder instructions, or the things that inconvenience me. I would like to say ive grown out of it and how great i am now, but i just cant shake how many topics i can think of right this moment where i am still setting sail (or staying in the harbor) when God has told me differently.

But you know, Rusty has really been exhorting me a lot. Hes been telling me so many times this month "If you never try it, you might never find out if it was the best thing to ever happen. God is just waiting to bless you and you just want to sit there and decide whats best for yourself"

Such good words. Im blessed to have such an amazing husband. I know its the Jesus inside of him.

an introduction and a reason

______________________________________________Life

Good afternoon.

I should have done this to start off, but its too late now.
Im going to introduce myself and give you guys a reason as to why ive started this blog.

My name is Amber Noel Spearman.
Formerly known as Amber Noel Solis.
I am 23 years old and i am married to Russell Spearman. We have been married for 3 years this May.
On december 26th, or 2010 we welcomed our baby girl Adelle into this world. She is 1 month, 3 weeks and 2 days old.

Rusty and I are missionaries in Japan.
3 months after we got married we moved to Okinawa. We spent a beautiful year on island and then moved to mainland japan.
Time really moves fast out here.

As for my reason, its something like this.
part 1.

I read missionary bios and letters and they seem kind of plastic. Some dont, and i guess that can depend on the writing skills of whoever is writing it. But i often wonder if other missionaries have the same problems and victories i experience. Everyone always seems to have it together. I wanted to put my pulse out there. I want to be honest about the life of a missionary. I think i will make mistakes, but i want the chance to fix them too. So here we go.

part 2.
I want to make sure i am soaking in my devos in the morning. I realized that a lot of times i cant remember what i read in the morning by dinner time. So i wanted a place i could sit down and digest and outline what i read. I want to grow and i want to learn.

So in the times when Adelle is sleeping and i can type a few words before the washing machine goes off, i would like to share with you some of my thoughts and thinkings.

And maybe a few pictures too.



______________________________________________Devotional
Today is Acts 26.
Paul is held in chains by the rulers of the time, because the local authorities are scared that if they left paul unbound the jews would murder him. So paul is given the chance to explain himself infront of Festus (what a name), his wife and his court.
Paul started from the beginning, and told them about his life as a pharisee. He spent all his time perfecting his law following and persecution of those who followed Jesus. He actually set death sentences onto Christians he found.
He also shared how he was converted on his way to Demascus. God told him how he would be used to first speak to the jews and then speak to the Gentiles, and he would help turn many unto Christ.
Soon after he finished, Festus actually says "You have almost persuaded me into being a christian."

I took some time to dwell on the power Jesus has. Paul was hellbent on killing and persecuting Christians. He dedicated his whole life to this reason. But one day, one light and just a few words spoken by Jesus was enough to change a man. He completely changed, and became one of the strongest and most credible theologians.

Its crazy!

I also remembered my life verses at that point too. Ill share when with you.

Psalm 40:1-3
" ¹ I waited patiently for the LORD;
And He inclined to me,
And heard my cry.
² He also brought me up out of a horrible pit,
Out of the miry clay,
And set my feet upon a rock,
And established my steps.
³ He has put a new song in my mouth—
Praise to our God;
Many will see it and fear,
And will trust in the LORD."

That last big of verse 3 has always puzzled me. As of yet, i havent been present at any conversions and im not a worship leader. Ive always looked at it and said to myself "Well, God has a lot of work to do still" which i think is true, but this morning God pressed upon my heart something totally different.

He said
"Your not the one who will convert people. Who says I haven't already used you, and you have no idea?"

Gah, oh yeah! Its not about making people say the prayer. The psalm even says, God put a song into my mouth, i just have to sing it and people will turn and trust in the Lord. It doesnt say that i have to persuade people, or converse people into surrender. I just have to do what the Lord has put into my life. Thats all im responsible for.

So, to wrap it up.
I was reminded that some plant, some water and some reap.

something ive been putting off

______________________________________________Life


Hey,

So this is something ive been considering doing for awhile, but ive put it off most of the time.

Ive been wanting to have a place to throw down thoughts that have popped into my head, you know those ones that don't go away until you say them.
I also wanted a place to jot down my thoughts on my devos daily, so i want to make sure i throw that down too. Nothing mind blowing, or like "Hey look, i graduated from bible college" worthy, but something to make me sit and think about what i read.




______________________________________________Devotional

This morning i continued reading in Acts.
I was in chapter 25.

The idea that was most prominent in my mind and my heart today was how real the bible is. I didn't really feel a gushing of spiritual knowledge flowing thru this passage today (although im sure its there) but i was impressed at how much the book of Acts reads like a history book. Because thats just what it is. So many people want to discredit the bible, and say its just a big magical sounding story book, but its more than just stories. Its real, actually happened history. I think acts 25 was a good reminder of that. A good reminder to not treat it like a story book.

I also read psalm 17.
I guess ill close my first post with it.

	1	Hear a just cause, O LORD, Attend to my cry; Give ear to my prayer which is not from deceitful lips.
	2	Let my vindication come from Your presence; Let Your eyes look on the things that are upright.
	3	You have tested my heart; You have visited me in the night; You have tried me and have found nothing; I have purposed that my mouth shall not transgress.
	4	Concerning the works of men, By the word of Your lips, I have kept away from the paths of the destroyer.
	5	Uphold my steps in Your paths, That my footsteps may not slip.
	6	I have called upon You, for You will hear me, O God; Incline Your ear to me, and hear my speech.
	7	Show Your marvelous loving-kindness by Your right hand, O You who save those who trust in You From those who rise up against them.
	8	Keep me as the apple of Your eye; Hide me under the shadow of Your wings,
	9	From the wicked who oppress me, From my deadly enemies who surround me.
	10	They have closed up their fat hearts; With their mouths they speak proudly.
	11	They have now surrounded us in our steps; They have set their eyes, crouching down to the earth,
	12	As a lion is eager to tear his prey, And like a young lion lurking in secret places.
	13	Arise, O LORD, Confront him, cast him down; Deliver my life from the wicked with Your sword,
	14	With Your hand from men, O LORD, From men of the world who have their portion in this life, And whose belly You fill with Your hidden treasure. They are satisfied with children, And leave the rest of their possession for their babes.
	15	As for me, I will see Your face in righteousness; I shall be satisfied when I awake in Your likeness.