I want to mean it with a passion

Today is Wednesday. I usually call my mom on Wednesdays. Actually, I had totally forgotten to call her before typing that. So I guess its good I did, and after this I will call her.

So we've done it again. Rusty and I are standing at one of those moments in our lives where we have no idea whats going to happen. Decisions that are out of our control could shape out lives drastically, and we merely have to sit on the edge of this cliff and wait for the command to either jump or stay our ground. I didn't know life was so full of these moments.

Sometimes its hard to sit and wait. And sometimes I feel like the wind of going to push me off before I've prepared myself. I don't have a parachute either. Some people say God is their parachute. But shouldn't He be the wind? Or maybe the cliff perhaps? At this point I don't know. But I do know that trusting God is a habit i am quick to unlearn and have to get put into these positions to relearn. Its kind of frustrating. But in a refreshing way.

I think its too easy to say things like "We just have to trust God" or "We really have to pray about it". Christian code words for "We will figure it out eventually" or "I don't want to think about it right now" but I want to mean it. I want to mean it with a passion that can't be extinguished before the next trial comes my way. Can't I just retain it for once?

Probably not.

But here we stand. Waiting.
Waiting is the hard part.

Oh, we are waiting for our Visa's to be approved for another year in Japan. We have run into some complications with Adelle which we are dealing with, but we are wondering whether it is affecting the status of our own Visa. But its out of our control. We can't do anything but answer the phone when it finally rings or go to an interview when they finally call us in, or fax some obscure paper or receipt. Trying to be good citizens takes a lot of work.

But I am learning. I honestly am. I see how strong my own will can be. So selfish and it really only thinks of itself. Things I want and things I desire. Forgetting the big picture.
I am learning in this situation to give up on those things. But its a daily battle. Hourly even.

But man, its okay. Life is only as hard as we make it.
Manda reminded me that things will turn out exactly how God wants them to. I love that girl.

They will. Whether we jump, stay or fall. They will.