an overwhelming feeling of satisfaction

I heard this song for the very first time today and it really touched my heart.
I know so many people that i wish i could get this song. I mean, really get it.
Jesus is just waiting for us in those times when we feel like we can never get up, never turn back and never put our lives back together.
We may feel like we have run a thousand years into the grossest things but Jesus is only one word away.

Life is really hard and we make it so complicated, but Jesus never made it complicated. He made it so easy for us to live a life full of joy and satisfaction. He did all the hard stuff for us already. Why do we have to make it so complicated.

Im so relieved that i can let Jesus direct my life.

My life is so fulfilling.


I had an overwhelming feeling of satisfaction today. I was sitting with my daughter, shortly after i had cooked breakfast for my husband and said goodbye as he left for work. I felt so happy to live the life that Jesus has given me.

My life before Jesus was so depressing and empty. I was angry and depressed but the worst part was that i didnt even have anything that bad going on in my life. I was so selfish and bored. I haven't had one moment like that since i have become a christian. Thats almost 5 years of a life overfilling with joy and purpose.
It hasn't really been easy, and ive cried a lot in those 5 years, but there is a difference between crying for your selfishness and crying over the lost apathy of the world and those around us.

Thank you Jesus for saving me. And thank you for my new life in you.

but probably chocolate

I am really inspired to craft this upcoming season. I can't wait to get my glitter out and make something all sparkly. My mother-in-law brought home some large cardboard hoops yesterday and thought they would make great wreath bases and i totally agree. Now its choosing only 5 designs to make.
Daunting.
Im also planning on throwing a christmas/craft party in December in junction with our already existing bible study. Its going to be fun. We have it once a week and our friends open up their house for us to use. They cook dinner and i provide the sweets :)
With only a few weeks before Thanksgiving and then Christmas and then New years i have to select my weekly pastries carefully. This week will be something low in the seasonal department, but probably chocolate.
But then i have to plan it out perfectly to reflect the week leading to Thanksgiving and the weeks supporting christmas. Pumpkin and cranberry something, then Peppermint bark, gingerbread people, christmas haystacks, iced sugar cookies...who knows what else. You must think im crazy, and fat but i do believe christmas treats create some intense memories (smell and taste) for the thanksgiving and christmas seasons.
I think its worth to plan it out for some good memories.

By the way, if you have and killer christmas ideas (craft or confection) drop me a line so i can try them out.

don't we have time to rinse off those counters and table tops...?

Sooooooooooooooooooo,

Here is another one of those thoughts i had. Again while watching TV....im not to proud to say that.

Anyways!

So i saw a cleaning commercial, i believe for some funky disinfectant wipes.
The lady portrayed was wiping down her kitchen while the narrator said something along the lines of:
"Some disinfectant wipes use such harsh chemicals, they require you to rinse all surfaces food may touch"
then she goes onto pull out her garden hose and blast her entire kitchen down.
"Try something new to free up your day! These herp derp wipes are the best!"

So aside from the obvious tongue-in-cheek i was slightly offended and woken up by this commercial.
The company was not implying us mothers want to protect our families from ingesting said harsh chemicals, but to free up more time in our day. BUT i say, if we have time to sit in front of that blasted TV and watch their advertisement...don't we have time to rinse off those counters and table tops...?

When in all reality, a lot of moms say they are so busy they couldn't even think taking a half hour to sit down with their kids, look them in the eye and find out something new about them... but they cant believe what was on "Ellen" and let us know they need more cows on farmville.

Something doesn't add up.
Lets be mothers, real mothers and wives who actually deserve to be called that.
We may not be able to change the world, but we can change our houses. My daughters world is my house and who she will become and what kind of baggage she carries into her adult life and decisions will stem from what kind of mother she reflects, father she is protected by and house she lived in.
With that all ringing in my head, i am dedicated to chop my TV time down and wipe off those counters.

Im just blessed enough to stand next to this man

My husband is really the greatest guy i have met.
He is funny.
Kind.
Loves Jesus.
Loving.
Transparent.
Romantic.
Thoughtful.
Lazy.
Teachable.
Honorable.
Impatient. 
Truthful.
Handsome.
Complicated. 
Trust-able.
Caring.
Tender.
Patient.
Emotional.
Warm.
Inspiring.
Creative.
Motivated.
Grumpy.
Good humored.
Likable.
Expressive.
Striving for a better him.
Gives complements.
Understandable.

He is so perfectly Human. 
But he is like, some kind of super human.
He is never happy with just being human, on either account of perfection or imperfection.
He is always trying to become better, and never makes me feel like i am any less than him.
I really love this guy.
I believe the reason he is such a super human, is because he loves Jesus every day of his life.
He loves Jesus with his life.
Because Jesus gave his life for all of us. Im just blessed enough to stand next to this man who understands what a small gift we can give back by trying to live our lives in honor of Jesus.

I really love him, and i would love him for a thousand tomorrows just to simply love him with nothing in return.
Thats why i married him. My vows do say till death do us part, and i will stand by that until the day i die. And then im going to be looking for that guy up in heaven too. We are going to spend eternity together doing what we love most. Worshiping Jesus.

"The lines have fallen to me in pleasant places; Indeed, my heritage is beautiful to me."

(psalm 16:6)

but i think i might be onto something.

I had a thought this week, two actually and i will share the other one later. But this weeks was the thought containing the following;

"Facebook breaks down the need to grow personal relationships"

Now, this is just a thought and i havent yet proven it, but i think i might be onto something.

I have been using facebook less and less lately, mainly because i have nothing really worth sharing in a "Status update" or that many witty comments to make on everyone-else's (not a word) pop culture humor. 
But i have realized that when i get together with other people i know, and are friends with on FB but never really use it either, we suddenly have just so much to talk about.
Before, it seemed like i was always grasping at topics or stories to share with people over coffee or dinner, but now i have a full arsenal to fire out over the gooey Mexican food before me.

    But i also found this only seems to work if both parties shy away from facebook. Or else, well, im listening to the same story you already posted on thesday and yes i saw that photo on your smartphone yesterday when you uploaded it.
I saw the tweet but didnt understand all the #jumbledupword @withnospacestosoundosocleveror
@orjustohidespellingmistakes
"secret codes" and jargon i missed out on while i was abroad.

This isn't to say i don't enjoy keeping up with old friends and or that i only check facebook once a week. On the contrary, i check it daily when my daughter takes a nap. And ive also recently discovered the release of SimsSocial.
I really like sims.
But i believe i will keep my interactions with those who i can jump in the car and drive 10 minutes to see relatively low, in efforts to grow my own face to face relationships and leave the digital updates for those more out of touch.

But then again, this is just a thought i had this week while watching HGTV.

It was a big jump

I can't believe how long it has been since i had the opportunity to use a real keyboard.

A lot has happened in my little life and im sorry for not sharing it with you. Or actually myself, since its primary my own conscience who reads this blog. (p.s im fine with that, i need to sort myself out sometimes and i feel bad for others who have to read it)

We have moved.
I haven't blogged because we had to cut our internet, and blogging from an iphone, while it sounds glamorous is actually really frustrating and time consuming. 

Both me and my husband have been praying about it for a long time, and we felt like God put all the pieces in order for us to move back to America.
So we did.


It was a big jump, and honestly (heres a confession) few people believed us when we told them thats what God said to do.
But we knew it 100% and in the end, all it matters is us and God.
I am so blessed.
Ive grown
Ive been hurt
Ive healed
Ive learned
Ive relaxed
Ive recovered joy
I am blessed.

For right now, we are settling in Idaho. Not my first pick, but when your walking in the will of God, nothing can compare to it.
We are staying with the in-laws until we get back onto our feet. Its been a lot of fun, and we can't wait for the first snowfall.
Rusty has received employment (!!) and has also felt the Lord leading him back to school. He will be attending in January.
He is going into Criminal Justice.
He has a passion to be a policeman.
Who knew?
Im really excited to see what God is going to do. Already we are doing a weekly bible study at a friends house, and it has been so blessed. If that is a preview to how things are going to go, i cant wait.

Also, Adelle is walking now. Kids grow up so fast.
Here is a sneek peek at Adelle's very first photos.

worth the read

So i almost never read articles online, but i made myself read this one and I'm really happy i did. (Original article here. )

"A few years ago, when I just had four children and when the oldest was still three, I loaded them all up to go on a walk. After the final sippy cup had found a place and we were ready to go, my two-year-old turned to me and said, “Wow! You have your hands full!”

She could have just as well said, “Don’t you know what causes that?” or “Are they all yours?!”

Everywhere you go, people want to talk about your children. Why you shouldn’t have had them, how you could have prevented them, and why they would never do what you have done. They want to make sure you know that you won’t be smiling anymore when they are teenagers. All this at the grocery store, in line, while your children listen.

A Rock-Bottom Job?

The truth is that years ago, before this generation of mothers was even born, our society decided where children rank in the list of important things. When abortion was legalized, we wrote it into law.

Children rank way below college. Below world travel for sure. Below the ability to go out at night at your leisure. Below honing your body at the gym. Below any job you may have or hope to get. In fact, children rate below your desire to sit around and pick your toes, if that is what you want to do. Below everything. Children are the last thing you should ever spend your time doing.

If you grew up in this culture, it is very hard to get a biblical perspective on motherhood, to think like a free Christian woman about your life, your children. How much have we listened to partial truths and half lies? Do we believe that we want children because there is some biological urge, or the phantom “baby itch”? Are we really in this because of cute little clothes and photo opportunities? Is motherhood a rock-bottom job for those who can’t do more, or those who are satisfied with drudgery? If so, what were we thinking?

It's Not a Hobby

Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps. It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for.

Christian mothers carry their children in hostile territory. When you are in public with them, you are standing with, and defending, the objects of cultural dislike. You are publicly testifying that you value what God values, and that you refuse to value what the world values. You stand with the defenseless and in front of the needy. You represent everything that our culture hates, because you represent laying down your life for another—and laying down your life for another represents the gospel.

Our culture is simply afraid of death. Laying down your own life, in any way, is terrifying. Strangely, it is that fear that drives the abortion industry: fear that your dreams will die, that your future will die, that your freedom will die—and trying to escape that death by running into the arms of death.

Run to the Cross

But a Christian should have a different paradigm. We should run to to the cross. To death. So lay down your hopes. Lay down your future. Lay down your petty annoyances. Lay down your desire to be recognized. Lay down your fussiness at your children. Lay down your perfectly clean house. Lay down your grievances about the life you are living. Lay down the imaginary life you could have had by yourself. Let it go.

Death to yourself is not the end of the story. We, of all people, ought to know what follows death. The Christian life is resurrection life, life that cannot be contained by death, the kind of life that is only possible when you have been to the cross and back.

The Bible is clear about the value of children. Jesus loved them, and we are commanded to love them, to bring them up in the nurture of the Lord. We are to imitate God and take pleasure in our children.

The Question Is How

The question here is not whether you are representing the gospel, it is how you are representing it. Have you given your life to your children resentfully? Do you tally every thing you do for them like a loan shark tallies debts? Or do you give them life the way God gave it to us—freely?

It isn’t enough to pretend. You might fool a few people. That person in line at the store might believe you when you plaster on a fake smile, but your children won’t. They know exactly where they stand with you. They know the things that you rate above them. They know everything you resent and hold against them. They know that you faked a cheerful answer to that lady, only to whisper threats or bark at them in the car.

Children know the difference between a mother who is saving face to a stranger and a mother who defends their life and their worth with her smile, her love, and her absolute loyalty.

Hands Full of Good Things

When my little girl told me, “Your hands are full!” I was so thankful that she already knew what my answer would be. It was the same one that I always gave: “Yes they are—full of good things!”

Live the gospel in the things that no one sees. Sacrifice for your children in places that only they will know about. Put their value ahead of yours. Grow them up in the clean air of gospel living. Your testimony to the gospel in the little details of your life is more valuable to them than you can imagine. If you tell them the gospel, but live to yourself, they will never believe it. Give your life for theirs every day, joyfully. Lay down pettiness. Lay down fussiness. Lay down resentment about the dishes, about the laundry, about how no one knows how hard you work.

Stop clinging to yourself and cling to the cross. There is more joy and more life and more laughter on the other side of death than you can possibly carry alone.

Rachel Jankovic is a wife, homemaker, and mother. She is the author of "Loving the Little Years" and blogs at Femina. Her husband is Luke, and they have five children: Evangeline (5), Daphne (4), Chloe (2), Titus (2), and Blaire (5 months)."